It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
