Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
