How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What a dumb baby whore.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
