I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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