Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
