All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
