After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
