no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
