And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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