Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
