Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
