At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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