broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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