he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
