You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
