I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
