hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
