I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
