He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
