Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
