yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
