was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
