I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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