i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
