I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
