i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
