I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
