I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
