it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
