I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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