I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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