Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
