he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
