last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
