I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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