I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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