you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
