Please, let me fuck your mom
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
