Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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