Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
