Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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