i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
