I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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