I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
