i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
