i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
