I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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