Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
