I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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