oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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