Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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