we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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