What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
