Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's official drugs can't kill me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize