So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
