Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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