Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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