he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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