She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize