i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
