Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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