I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dignity is for republicans.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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