i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
