In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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