No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
