You really coming over, don't trick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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